It Doesn't Matter
by Imadra Blue
Summary: Anakin Skywalker grows up and apart from Obi-Wan Kenobi. Slash.


**Disclaimer:** In case it wasn't obvious, I'm not George Lucas, so I own nothing. I make no money; this is for personal entertainment only.  
**Notes:** Drabble written for Bell.  
**Beta Reader(s):** The lovely Luthe. Also thanks to Furiosity for the hand-holding and once-over.

...

Obi-Wan knew Anakin wasn't a child anymore when Anakin's hand slipped inside Obi-Wan's pants.

It took a second for the shock to wear off. Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin's wrist, squeezing hard, and pulled his hand away from his flesh. He ignored the flush of warmth spreading up from his groin and narrowed his eyes. "No," he said.

Anakin swallowed; he looked even younger than fourteen in the dim light of their tent. "But, I thought -"

"No," Obi-Wan said again, putting durasteel behind his voice. He turned over and presented his back to Anakin, closing his eyes and taking a moment to control his breathing. He wanted to pull away, but couldn't put any more distance between their bodies - the tent was made for one person, not two.

"I like you." There was hurt in Anakin's voice - hurt that made Obi-Wan want to roll over and hold him close. He didn't move.

"I like you, too, Anakin. But not for that."

Anakin's voice took on the sullen tone he always covered his hurt with. "Why won't you let me -?"

Obi-Wan cut him off. He didn't want to hear it; well, he did, but he couldn't bear it - not now. "Anakin." He softened his tone. "You're my Padawan. You're not even of age. And that's that."

"I'm not a child." Anakin's petulance had grown thicker and slurred his words.

Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut, drawing the blanket tightly to him. His fist tightened around the thick, soft cloth. "It doesn't matter."

...

Obi-Wan knew Anakin wasn't a child anymore when Anakin smiled over his first kill.

Obi-Wan hadn't even noticed the Bothan sneaking up on them. He'd been too distracted with his macrobinoculars, trying to peer through the thick, jungle canopy into the enemy encampment. He'd heard nothing, not until Anakin's lightsaber thrummed as it slid out and he sliced it through the Bothan's middle. Obi-Wan turned just in time to see the Bothan fall to the ground in two pieces, an unfired blaster still in his hand.

Anakin was smiling. There was something vicious and feral in his expression that made Obi-Wan's skin crawl. Obi-Wan reached out and grabbed Anakin's wrist; the expression faded from Anakin's face as though never there. Anakin thumbed his lightsaber off, staring at Obi-Wan with wide blue eyes as his blade disappeared.

"He was trying to kill you, Master. I killed him first." Anakin's voice was plain, but there was a defensive edge to it.

A million things ran through Obi-Wan's mind, things he should have been saying: _You should have only incapacitated him. You should have blocked the shot. You should have warned me. You shouldn't have smiled as though you enjoyed taking his life._ The last one made him flinch.

Instead, Obi-Wan dragged him away from the body, only saying, "It doesn't matter."

...

Obi-Wan knew he wasn't Anakin's Master anymore when he shoved Anakin against the wall, kissing him fiercely.

He wasn't sure what had brought it on. Maybe it was the way Anakin licked his lips, or the way he looked at him. Obi-Wan brought his hand up, tangling his fingers in Anakin's coarse hair. He reveled in the taste of his mouth, the feel of his lips, the touch of his hands. Anakin tasted like the greer meat they'd had for dinner, but it was all bliss to Obi-Wan.

Anakin kissed back, his fingers digging painfully into Obi-Wan's upper arm. For a moment, Anakin's body was warm and willing, urging Obi-Wan to press against him, making him hard. For a moment, it seemed they were going to do what Obi-Wan had wanted to do since Anakin turned fourteen. There were always reasons why he hadn't before: Anakin was too young. Anakin was his Padawan. Anakin was Anakin.

Now there was just them, and the quarters they shared on _The Purveyor_. There was time, there was space, there was desire. The Clone Wars would rage on when they arrived on Cato Neimoidia, but they could forget it and enjoy themselves, at least for a moment.

A moment was all Anakin gave him, until he roughly pushed Obi-Wan away. He wiped at his mouth, his eyes smoldering with an emotion that made Obi-Wan's stomach drop and his eyes sting.

"I don't want you like that. Not anymore. I have someone else."

Obi-Wan turned away, licking his lips; he still tasted Anakin on them. He thought of Padmé and the way Anakin looked at her whenever they were on Coruscant. It was the same way Anakin once looked at him when still a boy. Anakin's taste in his mouth turned bitter, and Obi-Wan ignored the pressure in his chest.

"It doesn't matter," he said and walked away.

...

Obi-Wan knew he wasn't Anakin's brother anymore when he strapped Anakin's son into his starfighter.

The baby was wailing and squirming; Obi-Wan could sense Luke was already mourning the loss of his twin. He winced a little at the noise, trying not to let the sound get to him. He had never been very good with children.

"Hush, Luke," he said, trying to send comfort through the Force.

It was cold in space, and Luke wasn't even three days old. Obi-Wan found another small blanket and tucked it in around Luke. The baby fell quiet, looking up at Obi-Wan with wide blue eyes just like his father's.

"Will you be all right?" asked Bail Organa. He stood only a few meters away from the starfighter, but his voice was powerful enough that he sounded as though he was right beside Obi-Wan. Leia wasn't in his arms, and Obi-Wan wondered why he thought she should be.

Obi-Wan offered his old friend a smile. It felt weak on his face; he couldn't make his lips stretch any further. "I won't be alone - not entirely. I'll have Qui-Gon's spirit to keep me company."

"I didn't ask if you would be alone, Obi-Wan. I asked if you would be all right. Whatever Anakin Skywalker has done, I know you loved him. You just lost your entire way of life, your family, and your purpose. That's a lot for one man to bear, even if he is a Jedi."

"I'll be fine."

Bail's dark eyes were full of warmth and concern. Obi-Wan would miss him; he had been a good friend. "You're lying," said Bail after a moment.

Obi-Wan strapped himself into his starfighter, not meeting Bail's eyes now. "It doesn't matter," he said. He regretted saying it even as it spilled out of his mouth. He sighed. "Good-bye, old friend. Take care of yourself and of Leia. Contact me if you need me."

"I will. Take care of yourself as well, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Obi-Wan smiled and waved at him before closing the cockpit, putting transparisteel between himself and Bail. He tried not to think about his own feelings, about the numb, aching hole inside of himself. If his body reflected the wounds his battered soul had suffered, he would be just as maimed and raw as what remained of the man who used to be Anakin Skywalker.

_It doesn't matter._

But it did matter. It always had.

_End._


End file.
